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Young Writers Society



The Golden Medallion

by Jenna Frenzel


For future refrence, for some reason the site isn't cooperating right now and it broke the formatting about halfway through. I can't get it to fix, but for now, enjoy the story.

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“Are we there yet?”

     Mommy shrugged, then rolled her bright blue eyes. “Not yet sweetie, we still have a while to go.”

     I fiddled with the dime in my fingers as I looked out the window, swinging my legs against the car seat. I missed Grandpa--he could always make me laugh; since we left I was just lonely and gookie-feeling.

     “It’s on Mountainview Lane, right honey?”

     “Yeah. It’s the perfect place, you’ll see.”

     I felt like crying. We’d been driving for eternity with no stops and I had nothing to do--everything was in the big truck behind us, packed in big brown boxes.

     “Are we there yet Mommy?” I asked.

     “Almost there I promise.”

     “Stop!”

My head snapped up as the car swerved suddenly, avoiding something in the road. Straining, I looked out the side window as we passed at a crawl. There was a man there, crouching in the road, his hands over his head. As we sped up and resumed our journey, he straightened up and stared at us strangely as we passed. “Daddy who was that?”

     “I don’t know.” He turned to Mommy. “Is everyone ok?”

     “Yeah.”

     Mommy grabbed Daddy’s hand. “Yes, I’m ok. Shaken, but ok.”

     Daddy sighed as the car turned the corner and slowly pulled to a stop. “We’re here. Time to get out.” Soon enough, I was being pulled out of the seat and put on the front lawn of my new home.

     The truck pulled up behind us, stopping with a squeak. A little while later, the man in the front seat of the big truck jumped out and walked up to Mommy and Daddy. When he said something, they both nodded, and then came back to me. Daddy kneeled in front of me. “Will you be a big boy and help us unload the truck--at lest for a little while?”

     My face brightened--be a grown-up like him? “Sure!” I took his hand as he led me to the back of the truck and handed me a small box, with which I skipped inside.

     I stopped dead. This house was small! The entranceway opened into the smallest kitchen I had ever seen; the living room was only twice as big as the kitchen, and there was a spiral staircase that lead to an upstairs hallway. As Mommy and Daddy passed me with larger boxes, I took a step foreword, letting them pass and put their boxes down near the kitchen’s tiny island. I put my box down where I was standing and ran to them, tugging on Daddy’s sleeve. “Daddy, Daddy can I go look around? Please?”

     He laughed. “Of course, just be careful.”

     I grinned widely and ran up the stairs, swinging myself off the rail at the top. I stopped once again and looked at all the rooms that lined the hall. How was it so big? There was a large door at the end of the hall. I smiled; it was a game, wasn‘t it? Sneaking down the hall, I kept to the shadows. Any of them could be in one of the rooms, watching me with their guns and their laser guided weapons.

     And then I took myself to another world--bombs were going off around me and people were shouting orders. I was a loner, a spy, and that door at the end of the hall was my only objective. Almost there--I slipped into the shadows on the other side of the next door and burst into my enemy’s conference room.

     “I have arrived. Prepare to meet your end!”

     The fantasy ended as I realized where I was; the room was huge, with a very small staircase leading up another level and a half-moon window looking up at the clear blue sky. It smelled musty and the air was thick, like really old, rotting wood. I walked across the perfectly smooth, wooden floor toward the staircase, the excitement building through me. As I approached the top of the staircase I noticed a trapdoor, which I pushed open with a thunk. The air got even more musty as I entered the next room. This one was small, just big enough to be a large closet. As I stood up, I looked above my head; the room was so high up in the house that I could see the roof.

     Something caught my eye: there was a small wooden box wedged in between the rafters. A real hidden treasure! I reached up and grabbed it--the roof was really low--and slowly un-stuck it from its spot. As I pulled it free, pieces of old wood fell into my eyes; the box was heavy for its size.

     It was in my hands now. I took a deep breath before I opened it; here was the moment I was waiting for--the discovery. Slowly, I peeled the silver latch open and pulled the top of the box ajar.

     An old piece of paper covered a small lump in the very bottom of the small box. My curiosity overwhelming me, I shifted through the old, crumbling papers to the bottom prize: a golden circle stared up at me, with a golden chain attached. It was a necklace.

     The excitement of the day built as I realized what this could mean: it could be worth a lot of money--maybe even a hundred dollars! With another wild grin I put it on and galloped down the stairs. “Daddy, Mommy, look what I found!” On my way to the kitchen, I heard voices…unfamiliar voices. “Mommy, who’s that?” There was no answer.

     “Daddy?”

     I walked down the stairs slowly, looking around the kitchen….was I in another world? The kitchen was completely furnished now--complete with freshly bought groceries on the small island in the middle of the kitchen. There was a woman with frizzy blonde hair and blue eyes talking busily on the phone, and another cooking. Yet another with dark brown-black hair was lounging on the couch in the living room, facing away from me, her super-white arm draped over the back of the couch in relaxation. There was no TV, and all the walls were bare white except one farthest away from me in the kitchen (which was bright green).

     I watched the third girl in fascination. “Aren’t you bored?” I asked her--I couldn’t help myself.

All three girls looked at me in unison, surprise on their faces and in their almond-shaped eyes.

     “How’d you--”

     “I walked.” I said, anticipating their question. I stuck out my chest, pointing out the necklace on my chest. “And look what I found on my way here.”

     The nine green eyes in the room flocked to the necklace as the innocent chatter on the phone stopped abruptly. All three girls were at my side at an instant. “How do you know about the medallion?” The blonde one asked (the phone was face down on the kitchen countertop).

     “I found it,” I said proudly, looking down at it. “Isn’t it pretty?”

     One of the sisters grabbed my hand, the one who was cooking. “Yes it is. Sorry about Esmerelda and Diana”--she motioned to the other two girls--“I must excuse their rudeness; we never get any visitors. I was just making dinner. Do you want something to eat?”

     My stomach growled. “Yes please!” I liked this one. With another smile on my face I bounded down the stairs and into a chair around the island, which was being used as a dining table along with the table in the living room.

     As the sister I liked served the food, the others--Esmerelda and Diana--seated themselves.

     The sister who was on the phone spoke up. “Looks good, right Diana?”

     Diana smiled, flashing white teeth. “Yep.”

     Before I knew it, all three girls were seated. “Oh, sorry, I’m Elizabeth and these are my sisters Diana and Esmerelda,” She pointed at each one as she said their name.

     “I’m Clon.” I kept smiling. This was such a good game. I wish it would keep going.

     “Nice to meet you Clon. Now eat; you look starving.”

“I want Mommy,” I said for the thousandth time.

     Esmerelda kept brushing her frizzy blonde hair. “Liz, he’s said that too many times and I‘m getting a headache. Isn’t there something we can do?”

     Elizabeth looked at Esmerelda then at me, pity on her face. “Sorry, but he has the medallion.”

     “So? Cant we at least shut him up?”

     My temper rose. “If you want me to shut up why didn’t you just ask!” I looked at the necklace, which was on the ground beside me. Stupid thing. It took me away from Mommy and Daddy.

     Diana came in the room. “What’s going on up here?”

     I shrugged innocently. “I didn’t do anything.” I said, then smiled at her. She was the one person out of the three sisters I felt at home with.

     Esmerelda nodded toward the necklace, still brushing her hair angrily with the wooden brush. “Have you read the inscription?”

     “The what?”

     Diana looked at me and explained. “There’s writing on it.”

     I shot a look at Esmerelda--how did she know there was writing on it? Was she poking around my stuff when I slept? I immediately felt a strong connection to the necklace--it had brought me here, I realized as I looked it over. There was writing on it, and as I read closer I barely made out what it said.

     “I can tell you what it says, m’dear.”

     I looked up at Elizabeth. “What’s it say then, if you know?”

     Esmerelda smiled and stopped what she was doing and leaned on the dresser. “’The cold ones of death breathe soundlessly’,” she recited calmly, staring at me.

     My eyes widened. “How do you know this? What does that mean?”

     “So many questions, Clon.” Elizabeth said, smiling. The three sisters gathered closer to each other, slowly scaring me. I didn‘t like Elizabeth anymore. “We know it,” Diana said, “because we made it.”

     “Oh.” That would explain it. “So what’s it mean?”

     Esmerelda broke her cool and sighed. “It means that if it was the one who brought you here you can’t go back without living through time.”

     Say what? This would have been cool if it was a game, but something in the back of my head told me it wasn’t. “So what year is it exactly?”

Still angry, Esmerelda replied bluntly. “1980.”

     Diana got on her knees to be my height. “We’re sorry. We were just fishing for someone from your time frame…”

     A question popped in my mind. “If it brought me here,” I said, motioning to the thing around my neck, “and we’re in 1980, how did you get the necklace--”

     “Medallion,” someone corrected. I kept talking.

     “--to my time, 2008. And how am I still there and here at the same time? And how am I supposed to have a birthday if I‘m not born yet?”

     Diana blinked, then put her hand on my shoulder. “You’ll understand when you get back to your time. Now I think you should get ready for bed. We have one set up in the guest room for you.”

     I left the room, leaving the sisters to talk among themselves. The questions of the day were buzzing in my head so fast I wondered if I could ever sleep again. Sighing, I went to the guest room--the first room in the hall on the second story--and got into bed.

     Well, I couldn’t fix what I didn’t understand…and from the way they talked there was no going back the easy way, so I’d have to live through time. Which also meant that I wouldn’t be able to see my parents until 2008--I did a quick math problem in my head--28 years from now.

     Sighing, I turned over. Now I was the one with the headache; I was so confused…

     Trying to dismiss all the strange thoughts in my head, I told myself I’d pry the answers out of the sisters tomorrow.

     And, for the first time 20 years before I was born, I felt myself slipping into unconsciousness.

And I lived through the long years, taking the long way through life and proving myself to be almost completely normal. I found myself living through the end of the Soviet Union and the beginning of the War Against Terror in Iraq. Slowly, I forgot my past until I reached the new year--the beginning of 2008, and even then I found myself slowly wandering down my old street toward my old home.

     Soon enough, I walked onto my front lawn. It had been so long since I had seen it this way: the paint on the outside was cracked and peeling, and the shutters were falling off of the main structure. Sighing, I realized that I could never go inside again; my parents would never recognize me.

     I turned away, then got back on the street going back to my home, my wife, my three kids. I’d have to live without my parents, I repeated to myself over and over again, trying to convince myself not to turn back.

     I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn’t realize the little red car rushing toward me, swerving at the last second. Caught off guard, I threw my hands over my head, bracing myself for a full-on impact. I felt a rush of air as the moving truck passed.

     And then I remembered: a little boy moving across the country to his new home, an inheritance from his mother’s grandmother. A strange man in the street, covering his head with his hands. It seemed so silly at the time, a man standing in the street, covering his head to avoid an impact from a car…and then I understood it all.

     Realization hit me. I ran to my house at full speed and burst in. My wife was teaching our oldest child how to feed baby Jon. I smiled, looking at her. When she looked up, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I’ve gone to see my parents. Be back soon.”

     When I leaned in for a kiss, she gave it to me, then expressed her surprise: “You’ve never mentioned your parents before….”

     Before I knew it I was back on the front lawn of my old house, staring again.

     Grinning like the little boy I had been on this exact day 28 years ago, I rushed in the house. Immediately, I saw them, putting down their boxes. I looked toward the staircase and saw my old shoe disappearing around the corner of the staircase I knew so well, yet was just exploring.

     And I knew their son would never come back.


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Fri Jul 04, 2008 8:35 pm
Jenna Frenzel says...



Funny I read it so long ago that I barely rmembered the name of the book. :? Does it sound too much like it?




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Thu Jun 19, 2008 5:08 am
Clo says...



I just wanted to add that I agree with Tatra - this story reminds me of the Dark is Rising. Why is that? I read it so long ago and can't exactly remember the plot, so I'm not sure why it makes me think of it.

But I definitely do! :?




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Thu Jun 19, 2008 5:02 am
Tatra wrote a review...



This is an interesting story, time loops are always interesting. And, I do like the mystery of moving to a new house and finding a strange object. Reminds me a bit of 'Under Sea, Over Stone' from the Dark Is Rising Sequence by Susan Cooper, although that didn't include time travel.

But, I feel as though this is only halfway developed. Even with the confusion of passing time, it seems like your story has more to be written to complete it. And, I mean completion as the final product, and not an ending.

“Are we there yet?”

Here might be a good time to introduce your character, even if it just is 'I asked.' It will at least tell us that this is in first person POV.

I missed Grandpa--he could always make me laugh; now since we left I was just lonely and gookie-feeling.

This sentence is a bit random. Him missing his Grandpa just shows up, and then isn't mentioned again. Maybe add in some more, like they had just moved away from him, or that he had died.

“It’s on Mountainview Lane, right honey?”

“Yeah. It’s the perfect place, you’ll see.”

This would be the perfect place to tell us who was talking, and that he had both a mom and a dad. The dad just suddenly leaps out at us later on in the story.

We’d been driving for eternity with no stops and I had nothing to do--everything was in the big truck behind us, packed in big brown boxes.

A bit of a run-on, try splitting it up at the hyphen.

“Almost there, I promise.”

Added comma.

“Stop!”

Who says this? Was it the kid? Add in a speech tag, please.

“Daddy who was that?”

If the kid wasn't the person who called for them to stop, then this should be on its own paragraph. A new paragraph for a new speaker.

When he said something, they both nodded, and then came back to me.

When did they get out of the car?

Daddy kneeled in front of me. “Will you be a big boy and help us unload the truck--at least for a little while?”

This could probably be a new paragraph. Fixed a misspelling.

I took his hand as he led me to the back of the truck and handed me a small box, with which I skipped inside.

Bit of a run-on. Try to split into at least two sentences.

The entranceway opened into the smallest kitchen I had ever seen; the living room was only twice as big as the kitchen, and there was a spiral staircase that lead to an upstairs hallway.

The punctuation in this sentence should match, either all commas or all semicolons. Also, don't be afraid to describe the layout of the house a bit more.

As Mommy and Daddy passed me with larger boxes, I took a step forward, letting them pass and put their boxes down near the kitchen’s tiny island.

The way you phrased this sentence makes it sound like they passed him twice. Plus, I fixed a misspelling.

I grinned widely and ran up the stairs, swinging myself off the rail at the top.

The underlined part confused me...

The fantasy ended as I realized where I was; the room was huge, with a half-moon window looking up at the clear blue sky and a very small staircase leading up another level.

Switched the two descriptions around, as you really want people to focus on the staircase.

As I approached the top of the staircase I noticed a trapdoor, which I pushed open with a thunk.

How can you not notice a trapdoor at the end of a short staircase?

As I pulled it free, pieces of old wood fell into my eyes; the box was heavy for its size.

Ouch, splinters in the kid's eyes! Also, I don't get how the weight of the box has to do with with the splinters.

(the phone was face down on the kitchen countertop).

Find another way of including this detail within the story, please? Maybe some action, with the woman putting the phone down? Also, don't forget that phones had cords back in the 1980s.

There was a woman with frizzy blonde hair talking busily on the phone, and another cooking.

The second woman is completely lost in that sentence, and the next sentence of the third girl.

“I’m Clon.”

I do have to say that this is a random name. Just, random....

“I want Mommy,” I said for the thousandth time.

When has he had time to say this before? You kind of need more of an explanation for the passed time than this.

“So? Can't we at least shut him up?”

Apostrophe.

“If you wanted me to shut up, why didn’t you just ask!”

Watch your tenses please.

She was the one person out of the three sisters I felt at home with.

I though Elizabeth was the one that he liked?

Say what? This would have been cool if it was a game, but something in the back of my head told me it wasn’t.

How old is this kid? He really does seem like a little kid, five or six years old most of the time, but then he keeps sounding older than he really is. I would like a concrete age, please.

Slowly, I forgot my past until I reached the new year--the beginning of 2008, and even then I found myself slowly wandering down my old street toward my old home.

This part is just confusing. Maybe you mean New Years Eve and Day of '08? And I don't get the 'even then' part... Plus, I would like a mention of his marrying and having kids. They're another thing that you just spring on us.

Grinning like the little boy I had been on this exact day 28 years ago, I rushed in the house.

I would think that he would have given up on seeing his parents, after twenty eight years. I mean, he's in his thirties, and has a life of his own now.

As I've said before, I think this story is only halfway developed. I think you need to slow down with your writing, getting all the information across to the reader.

I think you need to watch out for time jumps, where you need to at least alert the reader that time has passed. All of that really made it confusing to read the story.

Another thing you need to look out is the length of your sentences. Several times they get a bit long. Also watch out for paragraph lengths, and new paragraphs for new speakers.

I really think that this is a great idea for a story and, with a bit of work, it could be a great read. The circumstances for the plot were great, but the story went too fast for us to appreciate it. So, slow down, let the story tell itself, and the characters speak to the reader. Don't be afraid of a long piece of writing. :D

Good luck with your writing!




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Wed Jun 18, 2008 1:44 pm
Jenna Frenzel says...



Thanks, I'll incorporate that.




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Wed Jun 18, 2008 5:31 am
Clo wrote a review...



A very interesting story. I love the loop of it. The storyline is slightly confusing in the paragraphs in the end - or maybe that's just me.

[s]now[/s] since we left I was just lonely and gookie-feeling.
Without the now, it flows better.

“Stop!” My head snapped up as the car swerved suddenly, avoiding something in the road. Straining, I looked out the side window as we passed at a crawl. There was a man there, crouching in the road, his hands over his head. As we sped up and resumed our journey, he straightened up and stared at us strangely as we passed. “Daddy who was that?”
Who says stop here? The transition into this paragraph could be a little less confusing.

I walked down the stairs slowly, looking around the kitchen….was I in another world? The kitchen was completely furnished now--complete with freshly bought groceries on the small island. There was a woman with frizzy blonde hair talking busily on the phone, and another cooking. Yet another with dark brown-black hair was lounging on the couch in the living room, facing away from me. There was no TV.
The initial description of this room and the girls could be drawn out and developed more. Describe more than their hair maybe?

That's all, really. Other than that, very nice concept.





I think that was when I began to realize that reputation isn't everything. I should focus less about how others perceive me and more about what makes me happy. Because, in the end, I have to live with myself.
— Seraphina